How High Performers Can Learn to Refocus

At some point, striving stopped feeling good. If you’re anything like most high performers I work with, you didn’t even notice when it happened.

You kept doing all the right things, stacking achievements, chasing milestones, checking every box, and at some point along the way life started feeling heavier, not lighter. Fulfillment somehow, stubbornly, stayed out of reach.

What I’ve learned from working with thousands of high performers at the top of their games: We’re doing it wrong. Peak performance is a paradox, where the things we learned in order to succeed become the things that (as we succeed) keep us feeling stuck. That tension between what we do and what we need is where burnout, anxiety, and that low-grade, hard-to-shake dread quietly live.

Why Doing More Isn’t the Answer

Over time, many of us internalize the belief that achievement is worthiness. We learn that rest is earned, not an integral part of performance. 

Fast forward to adulthood, and these patterns persist. We pursue productivity for the sake of feeling worthy at the expense of satisfaction. The very traits that once helped us succeed start to erode our well-being. 

Prepare to go against your grain

When life gets overwhelming (and it does), our instinct is to double down. We work harder, try to fix ourselves, add a new routine, read another self-improvement article (maybe even this one).

But here’s the paradox: The more we rely on doing more to feel better, the worse we often feel.

It’s not a failure of effort. It’s a mismatch between the strategies we’ve been using and what our bodies, hearts and spirits actually need. Take a breath and start over. 

A New Way Forward

The solution is a new relationship with ourselves, and with work.

If you are feeling stuck, I invite you to be curious about your own experience. Instead of judging your exhaustion or guilt, ask: What if my anxiety makes sense? Is it a signal that my strategies for safety and success need updating?

Next, try to clarify which inherited beliefs about work no longer serve you (even as they drive you). 

Growing up, what were you taught about laziness? What was necessary to succeed? How did you see rest modeled by the people who cared for you? Those messages shaped your relationship with work, but they no longer have to define it.

You might even experiment with small changes that honor your needs. Maybe that looks like closing your laptop 30 minutes earlier. Daydreaming. Taking a walk to start the day, instead of waking up and looking at email before you go to the bathroom. Maybe it’s redefining success not as doing more, but as feeling more like yourself.

Finally, remember that discomfort is part of growth. Shifting lifelong patterns isn’t easy, but it’s possible. Treat yourself with compassion, celebrate the act of considering these tiny experiments, and know that building a life where you can perform and be well is an act of courage.

You make sense. And the most important work we ever do is seeking that truth, in ourselves and others. 

Kara Hardin, founder of the Practice Lab, will speak at Northstar’s Luxury & Wellness Meetings – Summer, being held at the Opal Sol in Clearwater, Fla., July 28-30. Meeting Well is sponsored by Caesars Meetings & Events.